ABC Feelings "newsE-letter"

Volume I, Issue 10 August 2002

http://www.abcfeelings.com © 800.745.3170 © fax: 208.772.0411

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In this issue

©--A Healthy Family--10 indicators, Parent Education Network

Character, Ethics, Moral Growth--links for educators and parents

Message from Alexandra

Last month we talked about character and some of the negative examples we've been getting from corporate heads and others in our society. What we're seeing is a lack of personal integrity, which has spread to the corporate level, and is now impacting us as citizens and consumers. You might ask, so what? What does that have to do with me and my life? What one person does and thinks has an impact, one way or another, on each of us. Our decisions WILL affect those around us. What would life look like if you always lived in integrity? What does it mean to live with integrity? A dictionary would tell us that the meaning of integrity is "The quality or condition of being undivided; complete." To feel complete means to become whole, to have all necessary elements--in other words, the state of our true nature.

© Following are examples of demonstrations of integrity, with questions following each to use in the classroom or at home. Maybe one of your students or children is willing to share other examples of what it means to them to live in integrity.

The first example is a story I heard about a man who purchased four deck chairs. The cashier charged him for only one. When this was brought to her attention, embarrassed by her error, she said, "Wow, you could have walked out of here with three free chairs." His response was, "I could have, but I wouldn't have been able to sleep very well at night." This scenario represents a Webster definition for integrity: "...the quality or state of being of sound moral principle; uprightness, honesty and sincerity. Firm adherence to a code or standard of values."

Questions to consider & talk with your children about: How does a person come to know what is right under these and other circumstances? Can integrity be taught? Who is the right person to teach our young people about integrity--the teacher, the parent or both? Can any of your students or children think of someone they believes lives in integrity? What are examples of the personal characteristics of that person?

© Another example of integrity relates to a young couple I counseled a few years ago. Both came to me feeling insecure, needy and possessive. The woman started to demonstrate signs of a healthy attitude. As she realized her desire for independence and self-reliance, she began to take risks and appropriately assert herself. Instead of communicating his truth, of feeling fearful she would leave him, (which translates to being alone, a scary thought to the ego), he manipulated and exerted more control, thereby creating even more distance. As she took more responsibility for her life and learned to understand and integrate the splintered parts of herself, she became a more whole, complete, and happy person. Just as she was choosing to live with more integrity in her life, he was choosing to live out of integrity with himself by denying his true feelings. If what she wants is personal growth, then staying in a relationship that doesn't support that growth is being out of integrity. "The quality or condition of being undivided; complete."

Things to consider: We each have a personal understanding of integrity: What is true for one may not necessarily be true for another. Each has his or her own personal experience. Have you ever shared your feelings and then been told, "It's crazy to feel that way." or "that's ridiculous," or "it makes absolutely no sense?" Did the comment nurture or weaken your relationship? Did a part of you feel invalidated? Were you true to yourself or did you question your feelings and then back down? The above examples give us numerous opportunities to examine our beliefs about integrity in relationship and in pursuing our personal dreams. For example, if one person in a relationship discovers how to become a more whole and fulfilled individual, but the other party doesn't honor those changes, is it right to move out of that relationship? What creates integrity in relationship? Is integrity in relationship possible if the individual is out of integrity?

© The third example is about a woman who had been overweight for over a year. Although she was constantly aware of it, the willingness to take action was missing. One day she planted the stake, so to speak, and said, "This is it." She made a commitment to herself to lose the extra pounds that prevented her from feeling good, physically, mentally, and spiritually. The very next day, she met someone in the weight loss business who suggested they exchange services, making it even more appealing because the financial burden had been lifted. The universe does support our decisions to live our life with integrity. Webster has yet one more meaning to assist in making this point. "The quality or state of being unimpaired; perfect condition; soundness. "

© Living out of integrity catches up with us. It actually takes more energy. Our body tells us that integrity is lacking through illness and disease. Life mirrors back our state of misalignment with painful and often puzzling circumstances. One of my spiritual teachers used the expression, "being hit with a cosmic 2 x 4." We will continually be shown until we get the lesson, and sometimes it may really hurt. We can't continue to deny our true feelings, try to make others fit our expectations, be unwilling to confront situations, live out of integrity, and still live our dreams. We can't continue to go to a job we hate, for only a paycheck, or security and think it won't affect our life somehow, sometime. This is what I call living out of integrity.©

There is always a choice: Either change the attitude or change the job or relationship.

When each moment is lived in a state of integrity, with impeccable honesty, we are being true to our self, to our ideals. We enjoy good health, our mind is sharp, we're in touch with our feelings, our relationships flourish, we have lots of vitality and our dreams come true. Joy and love permeate our being and life aligns.

"Respect for the truth comes close to being the basis for all morality."

-Frank Herbert

What will your teenager wear the first day back to school?

If you're a parent, you are familiar with the labeling of kids based on the labels in their clothes. Recently, an 11 year-old boy told us that boys his age aren't too concerned about the labels in their clothing, but the shoes they wear get a lot of attention and say something about the kid wearing them! hmmmm...

A recent newspaper article , Author: Clothes say something to teens, New York (AP), suggests that while labels are flat, having no depth and little room for words, they are not only used to describe clothes but also to put people in equally shallow categories. According to Aisha Muharrar, 18 year-old author of More Than a Label: Why What You Wear or Who You're With Doesn't Define Who You Are, "We're at an age when we're trying to find ourselves as individuals but have to conform right away to what our friends are doing. It can be confusing." Muharrar not only discusses the label identities we've fallen into, but goes even further by defining how at first glance our colors and combinations label us, and how that can impact our lives. So, when your teenager walks out the door for the first day back to school, with khaki chinos with a button-down white shirt, she will be perceived entirely differently than if she wears black, has a rumpled protest shirt, or the shirttails are tied, etc. Muharrar's book, published by Free Spirit, sounds like it might give us some insight to just one of the many pressures our kids are up against today! We'd like to hear your thoughts on clothing, uniforms at school, and other identity pressures our kids are experiencing.

©--Parent Education Network: A Healthy Family

The Parent Education Network (PEN) at http://www.fortnet.org/pen/family.html gives the following 10 indicators of a healthy family:

Seeks help and support to lighten the load

Recognizes problems and works together to solve them

Takes time for each other

Plans to avoid problems

Knows that change is constant and accepts it

Provides encouragement

Gives, knows and shares responsibility

Sets clear limits

Deals with one problem at a time

Notices improvement and effort

We think they're on to something!

Character, Ethics, Moral Growth. . . Links for educators & parents

While there has long been an argument over whether character development is the responsibility of the parent, the teacher, or the church, there seems to be agreement that the time has come for greater emphasis on character development emphasis for our children. In an effort to keep you informed of the work that is occurring, we will continue to share relevant information that you can read, pass on or implement as you see fit.

© According to David J. Freitas of the National-Louis University, "Teacher education is one of the few professions without a professional code of ethics. . . One of the cornerstones of a true profession is a code of ethics. The code publicly articulates and affirms the profession's core values, beliefs and responsibilities. None, however, exists in teacher education."

Freitas has proposed a code specifically designed for teacher educators. The proposed code is broken into three primary principles with numerous subtopics within each. For the full code, please visit http://www.teachvalues.org/icce/CodeTE9.htm

© Dr. Marvin Marshall has developed a system to help encourage the development of personal responsibility in his "RAISE RESPONSIBILITY SYSTEM" The following has been extracted from his site and passed on to you with his permission "The Raise Responsibility System is a proactive (Stephen Covey), noncoercive (William Glasser), empowering (W. Edwards Deming) approach to reducing behavior problems by raising responsibility. The simple-to-implement, three—step system uses internal motivation—rather then external manipulative rewards or coercive punishments. Teachers (1) significantly reduce their stress, (2) interact more positively with students, and (3) improve their skills in both classroom management and discipline. Students demonstrate significantly increased levels of responsible behavior.

Dr. Marvin Marshall's work regarding self acceptance, and raising responsibility is available to educators and parents at the following link: http://www.marvinmarshall.com/raise_responsibility.htm

"Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it."

-George Bernard Shaw

© Contact The Character Education Partnership, 1025 Connecticut Avenue, N.W., Suite 1011, Washington, DC 20036 if you think your school has demonstrated a beneficial program to encourage character development. They give annual awards to those programs they feel have earned recognition!

"Respect for the truth comes close to being the basis for all morality."

-Frank Herbert

© Did you know that according to a recent article in Tidings, published by NSSEA (800.395.5550), President Bush wants to triple federal funding for character education programs in classrooms to about $25 million per year, up from about $9 million last year?

"Leadership is a combination of strategy and character. If you must be without one, be without the strategy."

-Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf

and ©

Please visit ABC Feelings and find quality, interactive & character building products for kids and organizations. Click here to purchase online: http://www.abcfeelings.com or call us at 800.745.3170 for ideas on which products will best fill your needs!

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THE "Attitude Doc's" AGENDA

For those of you who may not have met her, Alexandra, "the attitude doc" is a nationally recognized speaker, conducting keynotes and workshops to help "prepare a child for life" and to encourage the exploration of our attitudes, beliefs and choices. Additionally, she has a transpersonal practice (integrating the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of our nature) in Sun Valley, ID, where she utilizes leading edge protocols to assist her clients to make monumental strides in minimal time. She is available for your organization, corporation, or for you personally, and we welcome your calls at 800.745.3170. Or, visit our web site at http://www.abcfeelings.com/dralexandra.html. If you're in the following areas, drop by and participate in a workshop, listen in on a lecture, or pick up your favorite ABC Feelings products. If you would like to schedule a workshop or meet with Dr. Alexandra in your area, please call 800.745.3170

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Watch for Alexandra, the Attitude Doc across the country as she discusses how you can Prepare a Child for Life. . .as well as other informative & fun topics

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Alexandra & Gene will be exhibiting products at the following areas:

Character Education Partnership, Atlanta, GA

October 17-19

and ©--

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