Alexandra Delis-Abrams, Ph.D.
As adults, we often learned to
repress our feelings. Encourage your child to feel, express and be authentic
about how they feel. Let them know it is
okay to feel and that feelings are healthy.
It helps them know who they are and to develop positive character traits
in life. Be the role model you would want
if you were a child.
1.
Create a list of five of your beliefs (to start with) about
parenting and children. I recommend each parent create
his or her own list. We are not just looking for the positive beliefs here,
rather an honest assessment of your beliefs. Evaluate your list(s) and
determine if each belief truly works for you in raising a child. Again, be honest. Be willing to introspect and discover the
source of these beliefs. You won’t have to go further than your own childhood. What would have to happen for you to discard
the ones that are not working in your relationship with your child and to create
ones that will?
2.
Listening is an art. How
well do you truly listen to your children?
As a five-year young client said, “you have to
look into each others eyes, then you have to stop talking, then--you have to
listen.” Our filters (beliefs) and judgments stand in the way of truly
listening to another person. Put them aside,
and be aware throughout the communication if judgment surfaces. Notice it, let it go, notice it, let it
go. It’s a
skill.
3.
Respect is needed to create joyful
relationships and that starts with you.
If you want to be respected, you have to be
respectful of another as a separate person with individual needs. Each of us has our own perceptions from which
we view life—including our children.
Their perceptions may not align with yours and this is one reason why quality
communication is vital in building a strong parent/child relationship. With effective communication, we can arrive
at understanding, which leads to compassion and love.
4.
Communication is best when we are expressing from the mind AND the
heart honestly and clearly. The prerequisite for effective communication is
intention. When we put forth our ideas, it must be with the intention to be heard and understood.
We need to ask ourselves what it is we ‘intend’ to communicate. In addition, by taking responsibility for our
communication in every way, we tend to take responsibility in other areas of
our lives. By assuming personal
responsibility, we are less likely to blame others for the results. With responsibility, there is personal empowerment.
5.
Unconditional love is a powerful healer. It is essential in raising an emotionally
healthy child. Unconditional love does
not include obligation, expectation, manipulation or conditions. It just is.
Love cannot demand and love can’t hold on too
tightly. Love and fear will never align.
Love just is. Love is inclusive, not exclusive. Love is about oneness, not separation. It is all your child truly wants--to feel
loved, wanted, and accepted- unconditionally.
Your children will become your friends, once they leave the nest, when
they have experienced unconditional love as children. Loving another starts by
learning to love your self. You can’t give away what
you don’t have.
6.
Positive reinforcement builds self-worth and self-esteem. If we can always focus on the positive behavior
in our child, we will start to build a foundation of acceptance and love. No matter what the circumstance, if you can
find something positive about it and place the importance there, it will take
the resistance out of the situation, and change the dynamic. Miracles happen when we don’t
resist.
7.
Provide your child with the appropriate words to express how he or
she is feeling. Start at a very early
age to offer the language that will provide words to help them to share their
feelings. The terrible twos don’t have to be terrible when a child learns how to express
feelings. You can take this opportunity to expand your own feelings awareness
vocabulary. It’s
fun to learn together.
8.
You are your child’s first teacher. They are sponges and take in
all they are exposed to. Every word, gesture, and act is a message to
your child. They will mirror you and reflect back all that you do. Teach your
children about taking responsibility for their thoughts and actions. Teach them
the principles of cause and effect by giving them the opportunity to make
choices. Honor the choices they make. In
addition, be a role model for risk-taking and demonstrate the benefits of being
a risk-taker.
Help your child retain the wisdom of knowing who they are. During the early years, a child is honest,
literal, present, resilient, and tells it as it is. Unfortunately, many lose that magical and
natural way of seeing life, because of what they learn. Help them to realize that they are powerful
and can do anything they set their minds to.
They will feel comfortable with this wisdom, because they already know
it innately.
The laws of the universe will provide your child with everything
that is real, beautiful and wise.
Experience nature together with them and teach your children how these
laws work. We are a part of the universe
and our lives operate with the same principles. Teach them to be still, listen
to their inner teacher and to trust their intuition, or sixth sense; There is such power in appreciation and gratitude for every
thing; life is precious and we can teach our children to respect every living
thing. You will be giving them tools for life when you teach these simple truths.
Have fun and
laugh with your children.
Be real.
Love them
unconditionally.
Accept and
honor them.
You’ll be a
winner for sure !!!