TURN ACTING OUT INTO SINGING OUT

It can be frustrating to be a parent sometimes. Children act out. However, there are creative ways to change a child’s bad behavior. In fact, you must learn how to outsmart your children if you want them to change and grow into a productive adult. Learn to encourage your child to be creative and safe while still maintaining a level of discipline, and be delighted with the results. After all, what’s more rewarding than being the parent of a brilliant and well-behaved child?

Anyone who spends time with children will tell you that they have endless energy. They are constantly engaged, curious, asking questions, running, playing, and basically living in the moment. Child’s play is entirely natural. It is their way of learning about the world.

Humans as a species have a need to express. To stifle this desire in any way is squelching individuality. If your child is having problems in school, maybe it’s because she prefers another form of communication. Sure, children must learn the basics, but be aware that the basics may not be enough for your particular son or daughter. From age two to twenty, children must be taught to channel their unique talents positively and healthily. Otherwise, the energy will manifest in other, possibly destructive ways such as temper tantrums, internalizing of feelings, heavy partying, and simple rebelliousness.

While your child may be stubborn, whiney, or even downright bratty, those conditions come from the frustration of not being understood. Parents and teachers’ number one asset is patience. Only with patience will you discover your child’s true nature. Does he or she like to paint? You’ve tried watercolors, but what about temperas? You don’t think she’s into sports because she didn’t take to soccer? Have you tried gymnastics? Help your child by encouraging exploration. The world has so much to offer and children rely on you to open those doors! Do your best to keep your own mind open to other avenues that may not have occurred to you. Karate. Yoga. Pottery. Guitar. Calligraphy. And just as important, don’t force an activity, but at the same time, don’t let them give up too easily either. There’s a fine line that you must find. It’s up to you to guide them.

Many times, younger children’s games need monitoring. Maybe they’re running around the house at warp speed. Perhaps “horsey” with the neighbor’s Rottweiler doesn’t exactly make you feel comfortable. And yeah, they’re having fun jumping on and off the bed skydiver-style, but is it worth stitches at the ER? You want it to stop, but think first. Give them an idea…something to go with. Otherwise, the energy will simply go into being angry at you for making them stop their cool game. Acknowledge their creativity. Tell them that you like their idea of pretending to jump out of airplanes but explain the danger. Then hand them toy airplanes and a few napkins for parachutes. Let them know that you are giving them the chance to continue their game but in a safe way. Let them know that this is, in fact, the better choice. You’ll be amazed at how well they will receive your suggestions.

Encouraging creative expression can also “cure” that devilish side of your child. Not many adults are strangers to tantrums in the grocery store or a refusal to sit down and eat dinner. In fact, many adults are at a loss when this happens and usually engage full force in the struggle, which only makes it worse.

If a child is behaving inappropriately, a firm “Stop” will work—sometimes. Other times, “Stop” is fuel for the fire. Try redirecting the child’s energy. Instead of getting angry at the child’s behavior, get smart. If she is thrashing around on the supermarket floor because you wouldn’t buy Choco-Tigers, try playing “I Spy” with the cereal boxes. Suddenly, the child will see that you aren’t going to engage in the energetic tug-o-war today, and that you indeed, have a better game. This is more proactive than simply ignoring the child or even chastising her, which will only make more of a scene. Then explain to them that you prefer healthier choices. “I spy a cereal with strawberries on the box,” will redirect their energy and also teach them what foods are good for them and what aren’t.

Creative households are happy households. Be sure to have plenty of options for your children around the house. Put some toys in storage to take them out later as if they were new. Keep cardboard boxes for your child’s creations. Give them an idea for a project and let them run with it. Dance, sing, stretch, paint, play, play, play. It’s the best source of positive attention you can give, and it’s fun for everyone involved. What better way to help a child discover their true selves?